Sunday, March 11, 2012

What the... I don't even...

Ok, yet another game I have to suspend review and critique upon comes to turn.  But this time, it's... well... I have to cool down a while to really write with a level head.  I do want to cover something here though:

Mass Effect 3, it's ending particularly, but throughout story. I'm spoiling a lot, I know, but it needs to be said.  If you haven't played it through, stop here.  You have been warned.


Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! Spoilers! 


Ok, just going to stab at the heart of it and say "What the cock was that crap?".  I liked the game, the bulk of the story was good.  That said, here's what I really had issues with:

1) The fact that such things happen to characters you know, what was the point of not just letting them all die in the second game?  I mean really, if a good chunk of them do it by their own hands, wtf was I fighting so hard for?

2) The lack of the usual diversity in your party saddens me.  Most of the characters are re-hashed from previous games... My main issue, where the hell is my dedicated krogan?  I ended up with Garrus and Edi, which sadly was 90% lack of acceptable companions and 10% fuck yeah Garrus.

3) Continuity errors.  In the beginning, people (specifically James) coming up to Shepard as if they have been life long buds.  I wanted a renegade option to smack him in the face being all like "That's commander to you, bub!"  There was very little of them in the middle.  In the end there, wow, it was a fuck fest of errors.  I'm only going to go off on one though.  The Normandy.  It breaks away from the armada to deposit you planet side.  After that it goes back in formation to attack with the fleet.  In the end, for some reason, it's jumping in a gate going god knows where and gets stranded on some random planet.  Why wasn't it with the fleet?!?  What happens to the armada that survived on earth? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

4) Synthesis.  So everyone now has circuit boards cut into their skin and no one notices squat.  What the fuck.

5) Illusive man.  I haven't been able to find a way to crack his last speech option.  Why give us that damn option if it's locked and we can't use it?  BLARG!!! Frustration!

6) Choices.  Not only does nothing you have done on any of the few games have any affect what so ever in the last mission (where it should matter a great deal) or the ending (where it should matter most), but the options for the ending, are all bad.  It is nothing but troll face.  Your options are: You kill yourself and the space gates, or You kill yourself and give everyone circuit board skin (which no one even notices) and kill the space gates, or you commit genocide and kill the space gates.  That's it.  I spent 5 min putting bullets into that damn option giver (Bruce Campbell gun was the only pleasing thing in the ending.)

7) Space Forces do pretty much nothing, really.  Your doomed.  That's it.  Regardless of how much readiness you have, how much battle prep you have, you're doomed.  It's a crap shoot from point one and nothing you do really affects it.

8) New peeps.  There are a couple new peeps that pal around with you.  But largely, no.  Most of the game is you running around trying to have your old companions not die (they probably will though).  And even worse, none join your party.  It's sickening.

9)Where was my sex scene?  There have been news report about "sex scene controversy" and not once did Shep get laid.  I was very disappointed.

And 10)  Overall I'd rate the game a solid 8.  It's pretty damn good.  The ending pretty much halves that score.  A 4, almost my worst ever rating given so far, because really? What the cock was that crap?

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