Upcoming reviews

I have two reviews to write.  The 1st is of Skyrim.  The second is of  Starwars: The Old Republic.  Both are hard to write for reasons that are quite opposite each other.

The Skyrim review is a little difficult, as a sandbox game is always difficult.  The level of experiences quite out weigh the time I have to spend on it.  The Starwars MMO review is difficult because my critique of it is rather harsh.  Overall it seems to be getting good marks, but for me it lost it's grandeur.

I'm giving myself a little bit of time to write these out, but I wanted to poke my head on here to say this:

I was quite disappointed with Starwars: The Old Republic.  From my experience with the beta to release, my concerns were left unaddressed, which is a shame.  The story-lines were great.  The voice acting superb.  The writing, brilliant.  Though that's nothing new from bioware.  The problems I had were things beyond that.  The gameplay was..well...grinding.  The quests were still what you find in any MMO.  Beyond the story-lines and dialog, your not left with much.  Really, if you re-textured all the meshes, it could be any generic upstart MMO.  I felt disenfranchised about the whole thing.  Like they had an opportunity to do something really unique and special, and, well, didn't.

Take for instance, the race choices.  Hard core Starwars fans argued with me about this, but they can't see beyond the names and titles to see meshes and textures, skins and rigs.  But what it boiled down too, was that everybody playes the same mesh.  The texture may have different colors, like blue skin, or red skin.  It might have some additional mesh components, like tiny horns or sunglasses or a couple of tentacles, but in the end of the day EVERYBODY IS  HUMAN.  Which is funny that they give around 8 or more names for the same human mesh.  Blue human, Red human, Spikey nub headed human, tattoo and piercings human,  Sunglasses man (The sunglasses show that he's a robot!  Apparently Starwars has never herd of "Oakley"), blindfold man, tentacle head man, and that's pretty much your options.

 One of the saddest "race" options I found was cyborg.   When you think "Cyborg" you think some melting face terminator crap.  Asymmetrical menagerie of flesh and metal.  Pieces of skin missing, shiny areas poking through the holes, pipes, tubing, and a kitchen sink tap all hanging out in various unseemly places.  In Starwars: The Old Republic, "Cyborg" means wearing sunglasses and a double microphone blue-tooth headset (You know, cause 2 microphones are better than one with the cell reception the empire gets theses days).

  I felt a little betrayed by it all.  Half the fun of Starwars is all the interesting aliens running about.  Here, they chose the most boring ones, the easy "Same mesh, just throw on a bunch of re-textures and call it good" route, and it shows...badly.  Even worse, they give some classes different racial companions that are far superior in detail and have unique and interesting meshes as if to say "Ha! look what you get to run around with, and never customize or "be".  Hell, at least galaxies tried to make bothans a playable race.  (As a side note: If Starwars: The Old Republic makes that trandoshan model a playable race, I will eat my words, and buy at least a month of subscription).

As for Skyrim: Fluttershy says "FUS RO DAH!"

Fuck'n Aye

You know, in a usual congressional season, I wouldn't even bat an eye at this type of unreasonable legislature.  But here in the U.S.A. some crazy bills have been passed recently, and the fact that this is getting no press coverage what so ever, scares me.  The crazy thing is, it "could" pass.  Not due to some "moral high-ground" but because of the HUGE amount of cash that's being pumped into it by Hollywood and affiliates.  Which is kind of ironic in a way.  That is, if this sort of thing (internet and this crap bill) was around when Hollywood got it's start in the 1900's, I doubt Hollywood could have survived Britain and other countries black-listing all their movies, and studios like W.B. would be cannibalize by other studios as they try to beat each other to block and black list themselves and struggling start ups.



So yeah.  total B.S. congress.Total B.S.

Sandvich hungers FOR BLOOD!

I'd like to start by saying: I'm not big on the first person shooter.  That is to say, I don't pick up a game to play solely because it's a first person game.  There's many reasons that go into my choices, but the genera isn't the only bet.  That's mainly why I don't pick up Medal of Call of Military blah blah blah title games.  That and military sims are not my favorite games (I need more....surrealistic game play to keep me entertained).  Multiplayer is fun, it's true, but I feel like games that support only multiplayer are sort of scamming gamers into buying less content for the same price as full fledged single player story lines.  Paying full price for a 5map multi-player game without story or anything substantial just doesn't add up to 70+ hours of involved lore and problem solving.  If these games had both, awesome, great game, but often times, they just simply...don't.  It's also a possible explanation on how they keep putting out new versions every handful of months to make you pay full price AGAIN for a couple new maps, which could easily be dlc updates.  It's an infection of "the bottom line syndrome  that all of the entire entertainment field is stuck in at the moment. If it doesn't make money, it doesn't fly, which is a shame as that way of publishing/producing closes the doors on a lot of innovation and fresh life the whole, not just gaming, entertainment industry desperately needs (again).

So, now that that is over with, here is where I eat my words.

Game: Team Fortress 2
Platform: PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Mac
Developer: Valve Corp
Rating: 8 KABOOM! 

This is a game that I have been putting off playing for a very long time.  I've owned it in a package deal with Portal 1 and Half-life 2 with the Orange box, but after playing 1 map, having no tutorial, being confused, and dying in B.S. ways from spawn-campers, I put it down and never picked it up again.  That  is, not until they made it free to play via steam.  Now, I plug in every so often, wreak a little havoc for 15-30 min and then I'm spent until next time.

"Push the bomb" is a very common objective.

Team Fortress 2 is, for all sense and purposes, a First Person Shooter based on sort of a 1960's understanding of War fare.  You have various special forces that are all caricatures of said employments (I.E. the spy is french, explosives are Scottish, heavy weapons is Russian, engineer is American Mid-west/south, scout is New York, and you get the idea).  You have various simple objectives such as capture this, stand here, stand there, take object A move it to point B, guard this, destroy that, push, pull, jump, hop, skip, breath, eat, sleep, game.  Each class has "jobs" to do that are worked into their play style.  For instance, the spy destroys electronics, the pyro can find invisible spy's with fire, the scout is fast, the heavy lays waste but is very slow, medic....is medic, that sort of deal.  The steam version has a tutorial, all is right with the world.

Sandvich?

The thing that pulls me in and keeps me playing is the fact that there is a sort of A.I. in your character that is independent from you.  Your person's A.I.'s job..........is witty banter.  Your character spouts off things according to your situation to other characters.  Their A.I.'s then respond to yours in THEIR situation and it's absolutely hilarious.  The story I like to tell, is when I was a heavy.  Heavy weapon's guy has 3 weapons.  Big gun (Natasha), little gun, and fists.  You can have an option not to have little gun, and instead you have a health item named "Sandvich".  It is just what it sounds like, a sandwich.  Lettice, cheese, ham, bread, toothpick, olive, sandwich.  The medic's super power is that he can make himself and another invulnerable for a short time.  The classic combo is medic follows heavy and turns heavy invulnerable when surrounded by squishy enemies to kill.  So me (heavy) and medic are running down a hallway and we get into enemy base.  He pops invulnerability on me, and I, in turn, pull out sandvich and start having lunch in the enemy base.  Heavy starts eating (omm nom nom), medic player starts screaming and raging on the microphone, and enemy players are unloading clip after bullet clip into my invulnerable face trying in vein to kill me. And then it happens.  I nearly died of laughter.  My heavy starts yelling and taunting the other team "Me and Sandvich is coming for you!  SANDVICH THIRSTS FOR BLOOD!" and somebody's scout yells "No, NO! Anything but SANDVICH! AAAAAH!"  I lost it.  I couldn't continue playing I laughed so hard.  Me and medic both died there.  Medic rage quit out of the server, also funny, but wow, so funny.

Yup, Team Fortress 2, if your wondering why everyone dresses up in real life to cosplay as the players in it, download steam, play for free, it's pretty sweet.

Rating: 8 KABOOOOOM! 

Incoming Game!

It has been a short while since my last post, so time to blow the dust off the internet and get down to business! BOOSH!

Pew Pew Pew

Ok, first up is an interesting game that has a little bit of a back story.  It starts with a little release back in 2002 of one of my favorite games of all time, REZ.  It was for Dreamcast (another reason I feel that the Dreamcast was probably one of the best consoles ever made for it's time) and the Playstation 2.  It was visually stunning, not for the epileptic, had thumping rave music mixed by several pretty bad ass DJ's, level progression was sweet, it was just all around a good game.  It only had one real minor problem, it was a little short for my tastes.  One or two more levels would have done me just fine.  The game wasn't widely released, it was mostly pumped out in Japan and only pushed out here in the states in spots.  It wasn't until about 2008 or so that it was put out on the Xbox 360 arcade with an HD version.  The plot was simple.  Your trapped/lost in the 1980s style internet (think of the movie "Hackers" meets the movie "Tron"), and it's trying to kill you.  So...GTFO.  That's basically it.  The boss battles were nicely staged and gimmicky, the levels were long, hidden levels were fun, just everything was awesome.  Even better, it was a sort of rhythm game that played according to how well you do.  And the game punishes you for doing better by increasing the difficulty.  Overall, lots of fun.  (As a fun gaming history side note, there was a time in Japan (only) where if you bought the PS2 version of REZ, you could also buy something called a "Trance Vibrator".  It was a little plastic USB rumble pack that would buzz and vibrate with the music of Rez.  It's suposed to help you feel the rhythm...but there's other uses that it was being put to as well.  So yeah, there's that.)

Ok, that's the back story.

Now for the Review (cue lightning and dramatic background music)!

GAME: Child of Eden
DEVELOPER: Q Entertainment
CONSOLE: Xbox 360, Playstation 3
RATING: 7 Tainted with Internets

The colors, man, the colors!

De-worming space, shooting one box at a time.

Visually, wow.  Just wow.  Lights, color, sound, everywhere.  Everything interacts.  The background, the foreground, from the cursor right in your face to the little floating gears and particles in the far distance.  Everything you do, save for moving the reticle about, has noise attached to it.  Shooting, hitting, targeting, locking, tracing, switching outputs, everything.  There's bright lights, dark darks, it's quite a lot to take in.  It takes a few play throughs to really figure out what to do and where to go.  Like the previous game Rez, it's still a rail shooter, but it's not as "rigid" as Rez was.  There was a good 110 degree arc in Rez that your camera could swivel in.  Not too far to any edge of the screen, so they locked your head in place saying "here is where you are going, here's where you will shoot stuff".  In Eden, it's a little more like a 180 degree.  The constant worry of "missing something behind me" always seems to creep up, not knowing if something I can't see will shoot me.

Even Moby Dick is digital these days.

Music is the driving force of both of these games.  And sadly for Eden, it's the one part that I have a little bit of an issue with.  In Rez, there was a small swath of D.J.'s that lent a hand to the development.  Each D.J. had a level that personified their music, accenting them in fitting imagery and progression, ending with a remix of the level BGM in a boss fight.  It was seamlessly done, sounded wonderful, and looked good.  For Eden, they use only the music of one composing group Genki Rockets, which is fine.  My problem lies in the fact that there is no real differentiation between the levels such of the likes of Rez.  All the levels sound pretty much the same.  It's a little "poppy" and grinds on you a little near the end.  Then again, I used to be a raver way back when I was in High-school.  If the bass doesn't rattle the sheet-rock, your not playing it loud enough.  Where Rez came with some heavy onts onts onts, Child of Eden was more...party soft.  A sort of "rounded edges" feel to the music selection.  I understand that they would sort of want this to display the evolution of how the internet used to be, and how the internet is "now" as a more sophisticated entity instead of fat middle-age guys in light up 80's tron pajamas, but they really should have used several composers along with Genki Rockets to greater diversify the level areas and give each sector it's own unique feel.  It's own stand alone groove to shoot computer viruses with.

What rail shooter is complete without a cylinder hallway?

Overall, however, the game is still well worth playing.  It's a visual experience that I feel really needs to be "experienced".  If for anything, they did a really good job matching what music they did have with the world they made around it and how the player interacts with it.  Some minor issues, the Kinect is a little slow to react and too particular with placement when playing such a high paced game.  Most of the game is played with your hand in front of you, which the Kinect can some times confuse with you not having hands.  Just minor Kinect issues that are more issues to deal with the hardware than the software.  So yeah, If you get a chance to pick up a copy, go for it.  It's a bit of a trip, but a trip well worth it.

Happy Surfing.

RATING: 7 Tainted with Internets

Pork Chop Sandwiches

It's time to type a blog, and chew bubble gum....and I'm all out of gum.  I'm not going to spend a lot of time mentioning the updates, as they are pretty much self explanatory this time around.  Instead, I'm going to get right down to business of kicking some ass, and business, is booming.

This time: It's personal... *cough* What I mean is, this time I'm reviewing a game 12+ years in the making.  The titanic of the game industry resurrected from the dead sinking ship of the development company 3D Realms only to be rescued  into the light of 2011 by Gearbox Studios.

Title:

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, PS3

Developer: 3d Realms

Triptych Games

Piranha Games

Gearbox Software 

It's so hard not to draw something...obscene every time you get a pen...Sorry, kid.

I was very excited to get my claws on this game.  For me, as for many other gamers, the Duke is a shining mushroom cloud staple of video game character portraits.  In today's gaming, memorable characters are, sadly, far and few between, as they start to mesh and melt into each other.  It's really hard to point at a console or generation of games outside of the confines of Nintendo and sega and pick out highly memorable protagonists.  That is not to say that they don't exist entirely, but in the 2000's, the protagonist is usually "impersonal military commando" or "bleak monotone anti-hero".   The return of the Duke brings back what it really takes to be a "character" and not just a controller juxtaposition into a game.  It takes a boardgame playing piece and adds much needed personality into the otherwise too often inanimate object.  This swath of personality is indeed brought easily to life by the voice actor Jon St. John who has been the voice of Duke since the beginning, which is always a nice touch of continuity.

Boom, right in the bean bag!

Speaking of continuity, if there has been one thing that the entire Duke Nukem series has done, it's been pushing the envelope in the next direction for games of it's time.  In the past, it was about getting gamers involved, mixing shooters with platforms, and mixing a great deal of comedy and player interaction into a sometimes boring and monotone release schedule.  Like anon on 4chan.org, DUKE DELIVERS.   The plot is rather simple, it is one of those things that really doesn't need something entirely complicated.  Aliens are on earth, aliens baaaaaad, kill the aliens. In this game, Duke Nukem Forever, the envelope isn't just pushed, it's shoved into some horrible places and hung out to dry in the unforgiving sun.  If you are easily offended, have a weak stomach, have a strong religious moral code, are bland, have stomach or liver problems, easily swayed into right wing propaganda, are at risk for heart attacks, or are pregnant, use of this product is not advised.  Duke Nukem Forever is not for everyone.  Side effects include but are not limited to fever, malaise, eczema, dysentery, morbidity, lack of impotence, neurotic tendencies, sudden couch potato syndrome, dizziness, diarrhea, loose bowel disease, a foul mouth, lack of soap,  hand cleaning OCD, Alien feinting sickness, sudden urges for streaking and public nudity, the overall feeling of being sticky or just plain filthy and need a hot shower followed by a cold shower, and the desire to just be a bad ass.  

To be honest, I loved every moment of this game.  It is another prime example of how video games are just meant to be "fun".  That not all games have to follow the same line in the sand.  Even though it was a shooter, it wasn't the stereotypical military shooter, and I ate it up like candy...delicious, delicious candy.  It brought back the "shooter problem platformer" that was all the rage in the late 90's.  Most of the criticism on this game is that it's sexist, foul, and dated.  The first two are correct.  It is VERY sexist, it is ENTIRELY foul.  But to be brutally truthful, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!  It's not Duke Nukem if it isn't shocking, if it isn't for the squeamish. I have not seen a game come so close to being rated "AO" since one of my all time favorite games "Conker's Bad Fur Day".  It was actually delightful.  It shows that video games don't all have to be made for 12 year olds, but in fact, can have adult themes and comedy that is really pushed passed the usual hum-drum that comes down the tubes.  The fact that it does all of this but in such a way that made me laugh and sit there, holding my controller in disbelief, is what makes a Duke Nukem game.  As far as dated, I will get to that in a short while.

Sequel like a pig!

For now, I want to mention a few other things that I really enjoyed with this game.  Among many things, it flowed very nicely.  The levels were well planned out, there were so many things to interact with and just simply "do".  The themes were well put together, the game was very nicely polished, and well, after so long in development and developer hand changing, it should be.  The one liners were well written and well timed.  The boss fights were challenging, it was a very nice progression of difficulty.  Enemy types were well used and well dispersed throughout the game.  There were quite a few times where I was sitting in disbelief yelling out "Oh Shi-! I can't believe I just saw that!!".  The quick time events were very well timed and not jammed down your throat.  The platforming element of the game was well planned, well timed, and were not the bane of my existence (What I mean by that, is in a lot of games these days, it seems that the enemies and bosses can't hurt you, but a 3 foot gap will ruin your entire day.  To me, that seems ridiculous.  The jump puzzles should be just as challenging as the level itself, and it really takes some skilled programming to make it juuuust right.  And Duke Nukem Forever, was just that).  Although there were not that many different types of weapons, they were designed in such a way that they didn't step on each other's toes.  I had a tough time trying to decide which weapon to take and which ones to just "leave" there.  They all had their place throughout each level, the shear implementation of great thought of the placement of where things are was incredibly nice to see.  It was fun to see the tell tale touches of Gearbox here and there with the many many references, themes, and jokes, that touch base on today's popular culture and recent video games.

Come on, Duke, show us your "Big Gun"!

Now believe it or not, I don't have much bad things to really put down for Duke Nukem Forever.  It boils down to a few small details.  The biggest of which is the physics engine.  That is where the game is dated.  That's the only place where the game is dated.  "But N00basaurus Rex, what about the graphics?" you ask.  Ah, but the graphics are so polished and rendered just so, it's very HD and cell shaded.  The graphics, fit with the game, and believe it or not, the effect is overwhelmingly positive (In fact, it would be easy to argue that the graphics are probably better than a few games that have come out in the past couple of years, if not at least on par).  But the physics engine is a little clunky, not enough to be game breaking, but enough to be noticeable.   Collision detection is a little slow for reactions of objects when impacted by other objects, but once again, not too slow, just ever so slightly noticeable.  Mainly because we all have been a little spoiled in technology as of recent in the past 5 years.  The fallacies of the physics engine is passable, because it works.  It may not be perfect, but at least you don't have to worry about being killed by a stationary bridge.  The other major thing, was loading.  Every section of every level had to be individually loaded.  It reminded me of the playstation 1, to be honest, where you had to start a game, get up, go for a snack, come back, and wait another 30min for things to get started.  Now, it wasn't really that bad, but it did take forever here and there.  Other then those couple of qualms, some of the "get to pont b from point a" portions became a little cumbersome, some of the "grab a turret" battles took a little longer that it should have, and a few more execution animations would be nice (specific ones for specific enemies would be nice, other than the standard boot kick or uppercut).  And that's pretty much it, believe it or not!  This game, was epic.  The mini-games were enjoyable and fun.  Air-hockey was a blast!  And how can you NOT like a whack-a-mole style game named "Alien Abortion"?

FIRE ZE MISSILES!

Rating: 8 As Duke Says, "My Balls, Your Face!"

Tap, Destroy Target Atifact

Hey digital warriors, it's been a short while since my last post.  Lots of things going on that's been keeping me from my usual gaming rituals (including travel, a con, money, new job, new apartment, and lots of other life changes).  Along with that, more changes to the blog as you might notice (such as text update, a mascot drawing that's very near completion, and even a mobile version of the blog.  Open the page via smart phone, TAKE A LOOK, it's spiffy!) , everything is and still will be changing. But enough small talk, ON TO BUSINESS!

I'm usually not the type of person who gets wrapped into anything with the word "collectible" in the name.  Granted, I played a couple card games in highschool and earlier, but mostly only socially.  One of those "all the cool nerds are doing it" moments that flared up and quickly ended.  It hasn't been until recently when a good friend of mine has moved into my local vicinity, all afire with one of these games in toe.  So I chiseled my old deck block out of the granite tomb where I buried my highschool, and brought it and it's out-datedness to the light.  That is, only till I found out that there was a new Xbox 360 Arcade Game Magic 2012.

Game:  Magic 2012

Platform: Xbox 360 Arcade

Developer: Wizard of the Coast
Rating: 7 Stacked

This is one of those games that dole out exactly what it promises.  That promise is simply this: There will be cards, there will be a game, it follows the rules of the physical game, you can play by yourself or others.  It's you or yous vs another or anothers.  The game is spiced up with little animations here and there, a semi-interactive hud.  There was a previous game, that had a lot of the same, however this is that game + a little more.  Nerd Alert:  Here's where we get to the grit and sticky.  Decks as strategy themselves.  Now, I'm not going to list any deck specifically, as that would take out a lot of what that game is all about.  On a personal note, speaking more about Magic The Gathering the physical activity, the people are what draw me away from it.  Much like Halo, much like Call of Duty, much like old World of Warcraft, much like Risk, people, as a group entity, have a bad habit of becoming too immersed in these things and start to "know too much".  I just don't like to play with people that know every card, that manipulate every bullet pixel, that have walked everywhere on every map, know every stat, every combination, blah blah blah blah blah blah.  For me, most of these kinds of games (not as much the FPS's) is discovery.  Especially World of Warcraft, most of that game, I don't care if I win the PVP relm, I don't care if the party wipes, I just want to "see" everything.  In Magic The Gathering, I enjoy the creativity of decks and the little tricks of the trade people come up with.  But when it just gets to the point of unbalanced stompyness, I frown.  And by "unbalanced stompyness, I mean the "oops, your dead on turn 2".  If I play a game, I want to PLAY the game.  That is, I have enough turns to let you experience my stuff, and I have enough turns to experience your stuff.  Simple as that.

This game suffers from a little bit of a lack of muchness, a problem that plagues quite a large number of games in recent times, but really, it's not by far.  This game needs a few more decks, one or a couple more randomly changing "map/level" lay outs (since it's just a table, some table-graphic changes would be nice), maybe some BGM options other than just 1 (I'm not sure if you can turn it off or not, as the one song isn't "bad" per say, just gets tiresome after a couple hours of it).  And a few more graphics and particle effects would be great.  A suggestion I shared with a friend when playing Co-op, which I highly recommend, is that since there are a few "Legendary" cards, some animations pertaining special to each one, like waving tentacles, or avatar like effigies climbing out of the card or something.  However, these are all trivial matters as the game can more than stand on it's own legs, and everything else would just be nice.

I think what really surprised me, was that they brought strategy back to the card games, albeit through a virtual platform.  My general experience was that I hold cards in my hand, then loose in confusingly strange and poorly explained manners.  I have found myself a little ruthless with a few games (some vs computers, and one astounding victory over a person....my bad, holms).  I have crashed my xbox by doing 1025 damage ending the game putting the opponent at -1015 in one turn).  The funny thing, is that the game crashed, AFTER the damage was done, not during.  As soon as the "you won!" page faded, it just couldn't load the next zone, oops.  I'll give you a hint on how I did it, the Deck was multi-colored.  Co-op is delightful with another human being.  Leaning over the couch to discuss how to royally screw over who your going against reminds me of conspiracy theorists who are excited about their next plan of attack on the veil that covers the people's eyes on the sinister purpose those little plastic tips on the end of shoe laces are actually for.  Co-op with AI....is mostly good.  Every once and a while there are little hiccups where it will target the wrong card with an ability, or it will not realize that you want to double up on blocking one creature and instead pull back or switch targets (computer A.I. likes to "chump", which is just throwing canon fodder to block and not kill).

For an 800 point Arcade game that can provide hours of strategery and conspiracy theorist like fun, I'm very delighted with this game.

Rating: 7 Stacked

Flap Your Arms To Start

As I wrap up my run through the Kinect Adventures "adventure mode", I just want to run through some short, but final thoughts on the game.   The review stays the same, however.  This is more of a minor insight on the inner-mini-games that comprise Kinect Adventures.

1) I rather like rally-ball, I'm fairly decent at it.
2) I never have felt so doughy than from the obstacle course on wheels.
3) A raft is really meant for 2 people, not 1....nor is it meant to float on clouds...
4) The bubbles man, the bubbles!
And finally:
5) Those fish are truly assholes...

Thank you.

--The N00basaurus

Jump To Go Faster

My doughy gamer figure sits in this chair drenched in the sweat of success.  That's how I feel about the Kinect from Microsoft for the Xbox 360.  Despite my apprehension that the device would be like a yahoo messenger webcam that would be priced out to wazzoo, bogged down and laggy at it's best, I was completely and utterly mistaken.

It is, not only handy, but delightful.  I'm having more fun than I did when I opened the box of my first "motion" controller.  It is so much more than, you move here, it moves there.  It's you move here, and it recognize "how".  For instance, it can recognize hands from feet, head from knees, and that sort of bag.  There are times, however, where it will "loose" parts of your body when you turn sideways or your arms cross in front of your torso, but at the speed it recalibrate, it's always only a minor issue.

This device is proving to be much like a newly released console.  What I mean by that, is the fact that it will be defined by the games that utilize it, rather than like most accessories, where the console defines the accessory.  So far I have only 2 games for it, I hope to get more in the near(ish) future.  Mostly, I'm excited to see "what" comes forth from such a beast.  News articles and blogs have been pouring forth with ideas and hacks and mods for the system, everything from augmented reality to remote controlled couches, but really, I'm mostly excited for the hard backed and decently funded game companies to really work some magic.  I've been testing the slew of demos that are currently out for it, and each one I see promise for something truly awesome.

One of the flaws of the Kinect is space.  You "can" play the Kinect in as little as 4-6feet, but position the sensor above the TV.  Really, you want a shelf behind your flat screen to really get the most out of the system. Around 7-8ft is the sweet spot, however.  The best face recognition, the best non-lagging movement tracking, everything is from a 2 space cone burst 8ft out from the sensor.  Mostly if you live in a super cramped studio appartment in Europe or East Asia, this might not be for your living quarters.  However, a lot of this is just a manner of repositioning your furniture so you don't have anything to destroy your shins as you flail and propel your body about.

There is a slight lag in the system.  This is to be expected of any digital device.  The Kinect is focused mainly on steady fluid movements of the human body.  Something sort of upper mid-range out of all the motions we can carry out.  This poses a minor problem in the shape of mind over matter.  In a fighting game, as far as fighting circles go, the difference of who's hard core, and who isn't, is who can juggle their opponent the fastest.  That's what wins.  The Kinect, is a little unable to track incredibly fast movements of the human body.  It has some speed, don't get me wrong, but as always biological muscle can be a little too fast for the current digital "eyes".  It however, is not as near as finicky about movement as Wii controllers, but there is a slightly noticeable lag between fast and moderate movements.

So, without further adieu, here's the load-out:
Device: Xbox360 Kinect 
Platform: Xbox 360 

Rating:  Initial Rating 8.  Rating may change depending on TBA games. 


As I mentioned above I have 2 games for the Kinect.  I'll review them both here, one after the other:

Game: Dance Central 
Platform: Xbox 360 w/Kinect  
Developer: Harmonix  

Ah Harmonix, the wonderful people that brought us Audiosurf and the first Guitar Hero.  Dance Central is yet another one of their petri-dish creations.  Bumping and Thumping bacteria dropping down hard pumping bass beats making wonderfully, almost, science music at our fingers.  It is easy to see that they tried to keep this game semi-close to other music games on the shelves right now *cough* Rock Band *cough* by listing artists, titles, and even album covers of past and present musical talents.

What I like about Dance Central is simply the fact that you, yourself, are dancing.  Even if it's sometimes questionable choreography, your still moving.  One of the things that has always been a major turn off for me in the music game industry, is that they never really have anything for you to "look at" while your doing things.  It's always a Dance Dance Revolution type of setting.  Dance Central, has a tiny smidgen of that in there as they try to teach you the moves.  But the best part, is that your movements are represented by the avatar on the screen, so you can see how your doing.  It's just fun to see yourself fumble about each step.

What I don't like about Dance central can be summerized into two parts.  Part one:  Some times the wording of the choreography is hard to understand.  There's got to more difference in verbal explination between "Boom Boom Pop!" and "Bom Boom Pow!" in their respected directions of movement.  However, once you slow it down a little bit, and really watch the visual que, I can work it out some times.  Part two: This one is not a minor issue. There is this free-form mode that interrupts each song.  Every song.  Every single song has sparkly rainbow glitter time splinted right in the middle of it.  They just plop it there.  Least they could do is give you a few ponies to play with during the cute storm.  When playing with a large group of people, free style mode would be great if it popped up randomly during 1 or 2 songs in an entire set, as something a little special, but every song it starts to become a chore.  That, and with my schedule and location, when you play it all by your lonesome, it's just a time to go sit down and have a glass of water before the song starts up again.  The game would benefit greatly if it had either an option where you could turn freestyle off completely, or have a play mode, like a workout mode, where it would just have smooth choreography all the way through without interruption.  Other then those, the game is wonderfully done.

Rating: 7 Falcon PUNCH! Show Me Your Moves!  


Game: Kinect Adventures 
Platform: Xbox360 w/Kinect 
Designer: Microsoft Game Studios 

Every one of these move mechanic devices have come with a short mini game that I have liked to call "Here's how to show off your new toy."  With the Wii, it was Wii Sports, for the Ps3 Move, it's mostly Sports Champions, but they have a few other things out like "Shoot" or other single verb games, but for the Kinect, it's Kinect Adventures.  Although there are not that many games within Kinect Adventures, as like all the others, it's a series of mini-games, but each one has very entertaining game mechanics.

The hardest one for me is space bubbles.  I just can't seem to move my avatar fast enough to pop the bubbles.  That And I always end up off screen, lol.  My favorite one is the dodge ball simulation.  Yeah.

I don't really have much to say about it.  I like the fact that you can walk off, some one else can walk on, and they are added into the game play.  Even while you are playing, a player 2 can just magically appear and start playing at any time, is just amazing.

Way to go Xbox, yet another page in your book of major achievements, bravo.

Rating: 8 "Bonk!"  

Clues? What clues?

So a friend of mine got the new L.A. Noire by Rockstar games, and we had an interesting few hours playing it.  I did a couple cases, and well, I had to put it down.  To be frank, it's not my kind of game.  I'm not sure who's kind of game it is, it must be some ones, but it most certainly isn't mine.

Game: L.A. Noire
Developer: Rockstar
Platforms: Xbox 360, Ps3

Rating: 5 Gumshoes are just on the wrong feet.

I'm going to start off by stating what is good about the game.  Graphically, it's decent.  Face mapping on characters is well drawn out making their mouth and eye movements as well as facial expressions flow quite well.  Physics engine is decent, not great, but decent.  For a detective game, the crimes do seem worth your time to look into.  Wiggling panties and hanging around the water-cooler were my favorite part of this game...

Now onto the bad.  The game is a rail (I'd say "rail shooter" but it lacks the "shooter" part that is customary follower to that phrase).  It is a sandbox game where they dumped out of all the sand, given you 1 toy, and eye you closely to make sure you play with it how they want you too.  In layman's terms, the game is very rigid.  There is 1 way to do things, and no room for deviation.  The game mechanic is this:  Your stuffed into an area.  Theres a person in front of you, you talk to them.  You can't talk to anyone else, but them and you can only say very few things.  Then your stuffed into another area to pick up trash like a janitor.  Once you have enough trash, you can talk to 1 other person.  You can't talk to anyone else, no one else cares about your trash.  Rinse and repeat.  Peppered into this one on one duality, they toss you a few bones of car chases and gun play, but to be honest, it's not really enough to keep my attention.   Cars, like in GTA 4, have a much wider turn radius than the narrow streets allow, leaving you crashing into buildings regardless of your "skill".  You can't slap witnesses or people your interrogating.  In fact, the cut scene NPC's lord the fact that they can slap whom-ever they please right in front of you.

What this game desperately needs, is player control.  At the moment, as the game is, It feels like the game is desperately trying to get rid of the player element all together.  As if being there, holding a controller, is some sort of burden for the game as it jumps from one cinema to the other.  3 things would have made this game epic:

1. Multiple story paths:  That is to say, that there should be more than 1 way to complete a crime case.  More than 1 person to talk too.  More than 1 area of clues.  If you walk around, you should be able to find more people involved.  Even civilians would know "something", sort of deal.
2. Bipolar character interface:  What I mean by this, is to have some sort of a meter for "good cop, bad cop".  If a player does bad things as a cop (like blackmail and orphanage), they get bad cop points.  If a player does good cop things (say buy the station a box of doughnuts), then they get good cop points.  The overall number of points gives the player character a "reputation" and outcomes, options, and dialogue become available depending on that score.  For instance, a bad cop might get the option to take a bribe, where a good cop might get a fruit basket on his desk.
3. More Crime:  As a detective, you are constantly in harms way.  I'm not talking about roving gangs on the street, I'm just saying that there are always TONS of conspiracy theory's that people hire detectives to look into.  I'm not talking about crack pot ideas like the sinister function of plastic shoe string tips, or the investigation of big foot, but I am talking about a wife who suspects her husband of cheating, or the girl scout with missing cookies.  The lack of trivial side quests, the journey to side quest island, and the return to side quest island leaves the game unfinished.

Integration of 2 out of the 3 of these would make the game a more player friendly experience.  My biggest issue with it, was the fact that whether you were there playing the game, or not, it didn't seem to matter at all.

That's that, case closed.

Press "A" to say "Apple".

In The Beginning, There was a blue hole in the wall.  And for a time, it was good.  The first thing I would like to say, is that I'm sorry it has taken me so long to post.  Being in college and finding a job at *insert crap job fast food here* has eaten a lot of my time lately.  That and I have been thinking and pondering on how to make this particular blogger.com game blog have much more pizazz than it does currently.  Visually, that is.  Not content wise, we're fine content wise, but it's so bland to look at.  I know pictures and screen shots of the games I review would be a nice touch, but to be honest, I haven't quite figured out how to get the licensing to do that yet (haven't had time to do the research).  Just keep in mind, some time, hopefully soon, this website will change into something interesting.

But anyways, on to business!

GAMES!  Well, one game.  There have been quite a few releases in the first person shooter box, as has been customary to Xbox 360's general yearly load-out.  Sadly, I just don't have the money to purchase them all.  I have also been playing here and there on the kinect, but not really deep into it to review it just yet.  I plan on doing so in the near future, and first look seems favorable.  There is always a certain line that I look forward too in the first person shooting gallery, and that's games by the almighty Valve. The creators of Half-lifes and Team Fortresses.  From them and their affiliates have come a nifty little physics bending game called "Portal 2" .  Now, mind you Portal was brilliant.  It was a little short, but that was really it's only short fall.  It was one of those games where it made you think, without being impossible.

Portal 2
Platform: Xbox 360, Ps3, PC
Developer: Valve

Rating: 9

I must admit, I wasn't excited for Portal 2 until about a week before it's release.  I'm always...cautious around sequels   They are either really great, or really crap, and most tend to circle the latter.  Portal 2, has been a delight.  There was a lot of "love" put into this game, and it shows in every nook and cranny.

So far, I've only played the single player.  I hear the partner duo multi-player is amazing and even better, but I'm waiting for my schedule to line up with another friend of mine to really get into it.

The easter eggs were fun to stumble upon.  The game was beautifully paced.  One thing I really really enjoyed was the scale of epicness pressed out and onto the player from the scenery.  A lot of times, in quite a few games, scenery is just eye candy, ever out and about, but never interacting.  In Portal 2, quite a lot of it is looking down and up, and you go, down and up.  The voice actors were delightful, some parts had me laughing in tears.  It was fun to see the history of the company, and why things where what and where (which was what I wanted to find out in the first game, lol.)  So yes, really enjoyed it.  And the achievement of "Yes, that did just happen", brilliant.  The end song, like the end song to the first game, was beautifully made, and a very nice progression away and out of the first one.

Now onto the sticky.  Things that just didn't sit well with me.  I didn't like how the beginning of the game had a lot of "Notes from the Underground", and the later stages just didn't.  It wasn't progressive, as I feel wall art is something Valve should have as a continuing theme in all their games.  Some of the levels felt too "constrained" and only offered one solution.  What I feel like portals should be able to do is open multiple solutions to 1 problem, in some, if not most, areas.  Though the story of the game was rather satisfying, it did feel just a little bit short, an hour or so, but not by much.  Regardless, it was delicious.  There's a point in the last boss fight where there is no indication of what to do (rather, there is a lack of a visual directional que at one point that left me lost for a few deaths.)

But really, that's it.  Everything else was very very satisfying.  Had a blast playing it, can't wait till multiplayer....DIBS ON ATLAS!!!!

P.S. I'M IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

1 Track Mind

So my computer exploded and died in a dramatic fit of red dots and pixelated squares, which put a stop to my efforts on World of Warcraft.  The worst part about it was that I was flying around to some quest point some where when it happened, so my hiatus won't even gain any sort of xp bonus for being logged off in a city or inn :/  Oh well.  But all in all, that leaves me completely without a PC, which blows because I was looking forward to writing a review on League of Legend's new Co-op vs AI program to be launching soon (if not already).

While I was sulking about the death of an inorganic non-living friend, I decided to buy Dragon Age 2... to the dismay of my roommate.  He gets very attached to games, and I usually don't buy one's that he's getting as a courtesy to his feelings, that and I don't play his games until he's had his hand at them.  But he's moving out in a month or so, which means I wouldn't be able to play it anyways.  So I went ahead and bought a 2nd copy for myself.  I lucked out at the store which I got it from, as they had a few Bioware Signiture Additions left over from people who didn't pick up their pre-orders, so I snagged one :3

So onto the nitty-gritty of the review of Dragon Age 2.

Platform: XBOX 360

Rating: 8  It's as solid as bronze marigolds...


My first impressions are this, and simply this:  It's a very solid well built game.  Much like the same company's Mass Effect 2.  Choices and dialog are well thought out, well written.  A nice and deep story, which is a decent change from the recent military shooter games.  Game mechanics are very smooth and stream line.  Controls mostly fit well with what tasks are at hand.  All of these things interweave together to make a very nicely packaged game.

I might be nit picking, however, I did have some issues with the game in several areas.  The biggest problem I had was that the disk would some times not load or the Xbox couldn't read it here and there.  Graphics issues like the ground disappearing, large swatches of textures turning into bright green, yellow, blue, red, glowing patches, and things like that.  I had to cross my fingers at every loading screen, which there are many, and hope that I didn't get kicked out to my Xbox dashboard.

As far as in game issues go, SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH SO IGNORE IF YOU WANNA, in a way, Dragon Age 2 is a step backwards from Dragon Age: Origins.  In Origins, each decision you make, every step of the way, has a feeling of "meaning" something.  That is to say, if you do 1 thing, as opposed to another, you can see repercussions throughout the game, and deal with the consequences later on.  In Dragon Age 2, you can pretty much do what ever you like, and the only real changes are dialog outcomes...which in their own right had me laughing pretty hard, but still.  Through out 2 playthroughs, using decisions that are complete polar opposites, I was rather disappointed the outcomes are exactly parallel with only minuscule changes.  Party members you loose, you still loose.  The "how" might be different, they may die, they may decide to dress up like a whore and wonder the wilderness of another country for a few 100 years, but regardless, they are still gone.  A character dies off during a quest no matter what...which sucks, because it seems that you SHOULD be able to save her at some point, but no.  Hell, in the real world you could just say "Hey, there's been some stabbings, don't go out at night, and by no means, don't let any crazy fuckers buy you flowers.....with knives in them..." But no, you keep your mouth shut and she goes off to meat death....which the first time through made my jaw drop.

MORE SPOILERS: It's really as if what you did, doesn't matter.  And in the grand scheme of the game, it really doesn't.  The same betrayal happens, the same results, the same what ever.  Regardless if I'm the evil but lovable female rogue who has a very distinct hatred for mages that makes her sadistic....or the snarky do gooder, who just happens to be your friendly neighborhood blood mage.  Which brings me to another point that I was really sad about.  In Dragon Age: Origins, learning new skills, new abilities, and becoming something, was special.  Why?  Because you had to go out and find it along your travels.  Want to be an archer, train under some one with a bow.  Want better crits? screw the pirate whore.  Want to be a blood mage/blood rogue/blood sucking anything? Drink the vial of dragon blood like it was liquid candy.  In Dragon Age 2, it's handed too you.  No explanation, no waiting, no glory of conquest, just "plop" your a blood mage at lvl 7 and no one cares.  I disliked that you could only be human.  In Origins, you could select a small selection of races (dwarf, elf, human) but what made it great, was that each race had it's own story line to it.  Poor dwarfs were serfs, rich humans were nobles, elves were basically slaves, that sort of crap.  In Dragon Age 2...not so much, all three classes have the same exact intro.  The only difference is which 3rd wheel character dies at the ogre.  In Dragon Age: Origins, mages had their own special story line.... No one really knows your a mage.  It comes up in conversation and dialog options, and has a few special options here and there, but really, nothing major comes from it.  The last thing I didn't like was the fact that there was a very limited number of maps.  There were about 3 building floor plans, 2 caves, and you visit them over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.  The entire game I was on the edge of my seat, waiting to venture away from the 1 city, but no, your stuck there.  It makes the game feel a little unfinished.  As if there is supposed to be another town or city some where later, but they just never get around to letting you go there.  As a cruel joke, they have characters constantly ask you if you want to leave, then just glaze over the fact that you can't.

Somethings I do like in Dragon Age 2, are the fact that exits to levels are abundant, and there's quick travel options scattered throughout.  I like that the game progresses by skipping over boring sections.  When they say "You work 3 years as _____ job" they just time jump montage to the "you finished working for 3 years" rather than having you waste time doing menial quests over and over.  It got rid of a lot of busy work to allow for more plot.  The characters were great....most of them.  The whiny healer I just wanted an option to give him the knife to slit his own wrists, but all the other characters I really enjoyed.  My favorite is Verrak or what ever...Dwarf + Chest hair + Crossbow.  If you play a snarky character, which I recommend, always keep Verrak in your party, ALWAYS, the results get better and better as the game goes on.

Something that I'm surprised they didn't do, was a bigger quick map option.  You can only hold 6 spells/abilities in the quick map, and they really should have a way to switch it out for multiple sets of 6 (like using the + pad to rotate sets).  But other then that, and the spoilers above, I liked the game.  It's quite solid and nice overall, and I feel that it's a great game to pick up if your into the fantasy RPG.  The combat is decently placed, the difficulty is at a very nice scale making it a challenge at a very acceptable pace.  Timing is done nicely in a WoW style cooldown format.

Conclusion (minor spoilers):
Could use more rogue armor, needs more maps, needs more places to go, needs more "special"ness by adding unique quest rewards and abilities from decisions and quests, needs more impactful decisions.  Has a wonderful story, has great game mechanics, has great controls, beautifully written, art is spectacular, overall looks impressive, yeah, that sums it up pretty much.

2 swords yet so many throats...

Hey internet gamer verse, how ya be?  It's been a while since the last game review, and lots of things are, well, being crafted for this blog.  Among many things, one is a nifty user picture by a talented artist, more info on that at a later time (or just keep up with my FA www.furaffinity.net/user/fuzzyroo.)

Alright, I've been sucked into Wow for a while, and now that my computer up and died, it sort of left me swimming in a null void of gaming.  I've almost had crack addict itches from the lack of button mashing.  It's been intense.

So I dropped back onto fable 3 to finish up some things here and there.  DLC I never did, it was entertaining, just wish there was...."more" Like a multi-tier quest rather than just one quest(ish) thing per download.  But I finally found all 50 keys, so I feel happy about it all (Spoiler: Eagle Smashy Stick FTW).  I also decided to pre-order Dragon Age 2 (2 days before release.)

On top of everything, I was even able to talk the place where I pre-ordered it from to give me the signature edition (something Bioware did if you pre-ordered the game before a specific date).  How I got it was simple, there was some sort of midnight release that wasn't as big as they thought it was going to be and had about 6 copies of the special edition left over.  Ka-cow, it's mine bitches.  Difference between signature and regular, there's some DLC stuff that if you don't have the signature, you have to buy.  There's also some promo gimics here and there (like downloadable sound track and that sort of crud).

I've only been playing it for a couple hours, only long enough to get out of the initial tutorial zone and into some sort of town area.  My first impressions are hopeful.  It looks like it might be a solid game shaping up.  I have been seeing slight images that the game might be...well...a little short...but I'm hopeful that it won't be as bad as I'm worried it possibly could be.

More to come, off to class.