So Epic it's Purple

When the xbox 360 was new, and trying to find it's footing among the established legacy consoles, there were a lot of interesting and somewhat strange games stocking the shelves at stores.  Games like these were Prey (a very interesting sci fi Native American horror game), Perfect Dark 2 (which had none of the feeling and even less of the epic space secret agent story of the first game, leaving you with a really poor story), and games like the brash awesome Saints Row.

At this point in time, developer Rock Star Games pretty much not only had the market cornered, but had a precedent on vehicular crime sandbox games.  Back then, their game "Grand Theft Auto" was kind of the "end all' with outrageous.  Run around, pay a hooker, then kill them for your money back while you make off in your stolen car.  It Really wasn't till a splinter company named Volition showed us a few boundaries that not even GTA had crossed.  However, because of the history of GTA (that is, it came first), you can only really compare the beginnings of the Saint's with it's rival for perspective.

Saints Row

It was brash, in your face, and I loved every moment of it.  Where GTA was confined to making games a little more realistic, Saint's was a bit in the opposite.  The quests, the people, the weapons, the story, all of it was over the top.  There were many facets of hidden amusement, it's really hard to talk about with giving away major spoilers.

Like GTA the game had quite a few of the same notions.  An in game cell phone was how you communicated with quests.  Gang wars in the streets and you capture zones.  Cheat codes could manipulate the environment in which the game operated.  You join a gang, you go and do gang stuffs.  And then there's zombies, military, crazy bosses, and all sorts of wackiness.

But Saint's Row really raised the bar on how much a video game could get away with (much to the same effect as Conker's Bad Fur Day for the N64).  There was, however, the downfall of the ending.  It was pretty awful.  Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't Mass Effect 3 bad.  It was expected, but fairly bad none the less.  It also had issues with game mechanics as well.  UI and character controls were clunky and some of the chase scenes were really difficult because of it.

Saints Row 2

To be honest, I couldn't make it all the way through Saints Row 2.  It was a tough chew.  The difference was that it took itself way, WAY, too seriously.  It turned into a GTA clone more than anything else with nothing very surprising about it.  Everything was droll and realistic and wasn't what I was expecting.  It's only saving grace was that there were no limits on character creations.  So having a girl with a giant Mohawk and a British rugby thug voice was pretty hilarious.  Who ever did that particular voice was wonderful.

Saints Row 3


Developer: Volition Inc.
Console:  Xbox 360, Playstation 3, PC, F-Yeah!

This.  OMG this.  Shake off the shackles of boring realistic gaming.  This is just epicness.  Saints Row 3 was just a sick secret pleasure to play.  The shear numbers of customization with outfits (including the pretty funny fursuiting mascot options...still need tails but a minor want....) are awesome.  Volition really didn't worry about keeping it too "real", which is exactly why this game is hot.

I like using "a different" melee weapon...

The quests are crazy.  There's so much insanity in this game it's hard to spoil any one thing.  One point I love talking about is sky diving.  There's this scene where you fall from an aircraft...and then you fall from a 2nd aircraft...and this time....in a tank.  You skydive with a tank.  A tank.  With sky diving.  A sky diving tank.  There's throwbacks to pop culture like Tron.  Weapons like the "Fart in a Jar".  Hover bikes.  Murder Bowl.  So much stuff.

Typical firefight

And something that is kind of amazing about it all is that the story stayed consistent throughout all the "over the topness".  The conveyance of Saints Row 3 is smooth and nice while all the shit goes down around you. There was plenty to do and plenty to see.  And topping this title is going to be very difficult in the future.

One of the major problems I had with the game was that I wanted more.  Much like in Crackdown, they automatically limit themselves with declaring factions.  There's 3 factions and thus 3 bosses.  Game, Set, Match.  I really felt that there should have been a bit more in length.  It really wouldn't have suffered story wise to have a few more mini-sub bosses and quests along the way.  The side quests were nice, but more story would have been absolutely wonderful.

Skydiving with class

Something that I kind of would have liked to see, would be some sort of limitation on skills and abilities.  By having it "open" it puts an artificial "end" to the game.  What I mean by this is that the "end" of the game comes when the player has all skills.  There's no real point in deciding which to get when or something.  You get infinite ammo to all weapons, you can't be hurt by anything save for physics, all the gangs and cops love you.  Game Over.  Not literally but there's no expanding beyond that, it just "is" and you get kind of stuck with it. The character can't move forward as there's nothing to move too. There's a few options out there to alleviate this problem.  One that is most commonly used is to introduce a skill tree.  By selecting an option it blocks the selection of another.  By adding a limit like this, it expands future playability.  The player is able to replay the game over and over changing their options around to see how their character develops through specialization and such.  Another option is to make the list incredibly expansive.  There's a lot there, but a lot more extraneous things (like for instance a moon jump and many other aesthetic options as well).  It's not a major issue, however.

Hey...hey...hey you!....Ba---BOOOM!

Co-op was beautiful.  To often is co-op handled poorly.  Limiting players in game mechanics like camera or distance limitations from each other.  This game, you join and do what ever you want.  There were quite a few missions that were fun to be flying air support in a missile loaded helicopter while my buddy finishes objectives.  That's pretty much it.  This game is was just pretty amazing and fun to play.

Saints Row 3

Developer: Volition Inc.
Console:  Xbox 360, Playstation 3, PC, F-Yeah!
Rating:  9 Bitches 

F da po-lice with Kung fu.

Diablo 3 Beta Screen shots: Barbarian

I named her "Ulga".  Click on images for larger size.

Bar-bars have an excellent A.O.E. curb stomp.

Step 1) find crazy.  Step 2) launch an axe at crazy.

SUPER JUMP!

The physics of this game are impressive.  Nearly everything breaks, shatters, tears, explodes.  It's all very pretty.

Yes, Wizards get death beam.

Shit!

Pork Chop Sandwiches

It's time to type a blog, and chew bubble gum....and I'm all out of gum.  I'm not going to spend a lot of time mentioning the updates, as they are pretty much self explanatory this time around.  Instead, I'm going to get right down to business of kicking some ass, and business, is booming.

This time: It's personal... *cough* What I mean is, this time I'm reviewing a game 12+ years in the making.  The titanic of the game industry resurrected from the dead sinking ship of the development company 3D Realms only to be rescued  into the light of 2011 by Gearbox Studios.

Title:

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, PS3

Developer: 3d Realms

Triptych Games

Piranha Games

Gearbox Software 

It's so hard not to draw something...obscene every time you get a pen...Sorry, kid.

I was very excited to get my claws on this game.  For me, as for many other gamers, the Duke is a shining mushroom cloud staple of video game character portraits.  In today's gaming, memorable characters are, sadly, far and few between, as they start to mesh and melt into each other.  It's really hard to point at a console or generation of games outside of the confines of Nintendo and sega and pick out highly memorable protagonists.  That is not to say that they don't exist entirely, but in the 2000's, the protagonist is usually "impersonal military commando" or "bleak monotone anti-hero".   The return of the Duke brings back what it really takes to be a "character" and not just a controller juxtaposition into a game.  It takes a boardgame playing piece and adds much needed personality into the otherwise too often inanimate object.  This swath of personality is indeed brought easily to life by the voice actor Jon St. John who has been the voice of Duke since the beginning, which is always a nice touch of continuity.

Boom, right in the bean bag!

Speaking of continuity, if there has been one thing that the entire Duke Nukem series has done, it's been pushing the envelope in the next direction for games of it's time.  In the past, it was about getting gamers involved, mixing shooters with platforms, and mixing a great deal of comedy and player interaction into a sometimes boring and monotone release schedule.  Like anon on 4chan.org, DUKE DELIVERS.   The plot is rather simple, it is one of those things that really doesn't need something entirely complicated.  Aliens are on earth, aliens baaaaaad, kill the aliens. In this game, Duke Nukem Forever, the envelope isn't just pushed, it's shoved into some horrible places and hung out to dry in the unforgiving sun.  If you are easily offended, have a weak stomach, have a strong religious moral code, are bland, have stomach or liver problems, easily swayed into right wing propaganda, are at risk for heart attacks, or are pregnant, use of this product is not advised.  Duke Nukem Forever is not for everyone.  Side effects include but are not limited to fever, malaise, eczema, dysentery, morbidity, lack of impotence, neurotic tendencies, sudden couch potato syndrome, dizziness, diarrhea, loose bowel disease, a foul mouth, lack of soap,  hand cleaning OCD, Alien feinting sickness, sudden urges for streaking and public nudity, the overall feeling of being sticky or just plain filthy and need a hot shower followed by a cold shower, and the desire to just be a bad ass.  

To be honest, I loved every moment of this game.  It is another prime example of how video games are just meant to be "fun".  That not all games have to follow the same line in the sand.  Even though it was a shooter, it wasn't the stereotypical military shooter, and I ate it up like candy...delicious, delicious candy.  It brought back the "shooter problem platformer" that was all the rage in the late 90's.  Most of the criticism on this game is that it's sexist, foul, and dated.  The first two are correct.  It is VERY sexist, it is ENTIRELY foul.  But to be brutally truthful, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!  It's not Duke Nukem if it isn't shocking, if it isn't for the squeamish. I have not seen a game come so close to being rated "AO" since one of my all time favorite games "Conker's Bad Fur Day".  It was actually delightful.  It shows that video games don't all have to be made for 12 year olds, but in fact, can have adult themes and comedy that is really pushed passed the usual hum-drum that comes down the tubes.  The fact that it does all of this but in such a way that made me laugh and sit there, holding my controller in disbelief, is what makes a Duke Nukem game.  As far as dated, I will get to that in a short while.

Sequel like a pig!

For now, I want to mention a few other things that I really enjoyed with this game.  Among many things, it flowed very nicely.  The levels were well planned out, there were so many things to interact with and just simply "do".  The themes were well put together, the game was very nicely polished, and well, after so long in development and developer hand changing, it should be.  The one liners were well written and well timed.  The boss fights were challenging, it was a very nice progression of difficulty.  Enemy types were well used and well dispersed throughout the game.  There were quite a few times where I was sitting in disbelief yelling out "Oh Shi-! I can't believe I just saw that!!".  The quick time events were very well timed and not jammed down your throat.  The platforming element of the game was well planned, well timed, and were not the bane of my existence (What I mean by that, is in a lot of games these days, it seems that the enemies and bosses can't hurt you, but a 3 foot gap will ruin your entire day.  To me, that seems ridiculous.  The jump puzzles should be just as challenging as the level itself, and it really takes some skilled programming to make it juuuust right.  And Duke Nukem Forever, was just that).  Although there were not that many different types of weapons, they were designed in such a way that they didn't step on each other's toes.  I had a tough time trying to decide which weapon to take and which ones to just "leave" there.  They all had their place throughout each level, the shear implementation of great thought of the placement of where things are was incredibly nice to see.  It was fun to see the tell tale touches of Gearbox here and there with the many many references, themes, and jokes, that touch base on today's popular culture and recent video games.

Come on, Duke, show us your "Big Gun"!

Now believe it or not, I don't have much bad things to really put down for Duke Nukem Forever.  It boils down to a few small details.  The biggest of which is the physics engine.  That is where the game is dated.  That's the only place where the game is dated.  "But N00basaurus Rex, what about the graphics?" you ask.  Ah, but the graphics are so polished and rendered just so, it's very HD and cell shaded.  The graphics, fit with the game, and believe it or not, the effect is overwhelmingly positive (In fact, it would be easy to argue that the graphics are probably better than a few games that have come out in the past couple of years, if not at least on par).  But the physics engine is a little clunky, not enough to be game breaking, but enough to be noticeable.   Collision detection is a little slow for reactions of objects when impacted by other objects, but once again, not too slow, just ever so slightly noticeable.  Mainly because we all have been a little spoiled in technology as of recent in the past 5 years.  The fallacies of the physics engine is passable, because it works.  It may not be perfect, but at least you don't have to worry about being killed by a stationary bridge.  The other major thing, was loading.  Every section of every level had to be individually loaded.  It reminded me of the playstation 1, to be honest, where you had to start a game, get up, go for a snack, come back, and wait another 30min for things to get started.  Now, it wasn't really that bad, but it did take forever here and there.  Other then those couple of qualms, some of the "get to pont b from point a" portions became a little cumbersome, some of the "grab a turret" battles took a little longer that it should have, and a few more execution animations would be nice (specific ones for specific enemies would be nice, other than the standard boot kick or uppercut).  And that's pretty much it, believe it or not!  This game, was epic.  The mini-games were enjoyable and fun.  Air-hockey was a blast!  And how can you NOT like a whack-a-mole style game named "Alien Abortion"?

FIRE ZE MISSILES!

Rating: 8 As Duke Says, "My Balls, Your Face!"